If Your Past Comes Knocking ...

If your past comes knocking

Will you open the door?

No.

Now go away.

Stop bothering me

With 

The could have beens                  How happy I could have been.

The might have beens                 Who my children might have been.

And                                                 And

The should have beens               How my life should have been.

The past is over.                           Those dreams are dead.

The door is closed.                       I threw away the key.

But would you open it?

If your past came knocking?

No.

I said it once,

I’ll say it again.

Now

Go. Away.

02/04/2015

Punchi*

Thank you
for just being YOU
Fierce, Free, Independent
You and Only You
could Live, and Love, and Laugh
the way you did
before.
Only You, and You alone
could be the person You were
Aunt, Friend, Confidant.
Your Life, Strength, Spirit
sparking, shining, shimmering
like a thousand fireflies
in the vast open fields of our lives.
Touching so many
and leaving your mark
engraved
in our hearts.
You, who are so unique
yet so familiar.
You, who left
but are (still) right here.
You
who Lived, Laughed and Understood
that life
must be lived to the fullest
one day at a time.
So I take heart and I take courage
and I learnt that I must not cry.
for I know
You are with Me still
and that makes Me able
to Live, Love and  Laugh
like You did.

For my Punchi. With all my love.

*The Sinhalese word for your mother's younger sister is 'punchi amma' which literally translates to 'little mother'. The word is usually shortened to 'punchi' for everyday usage. It's been 10 years punchi. And I miss you.

Happy Birthday Blue Lobster

Every night

Before I sleep

I say a prayer

Silently.

“Dear God

Please

Keep him Safe

Because I am not there

To protect him.

Dear God

Please

Keep him Strong

Because I can no longer

Stand beside him.

Dear God

Please

Make him Happy

Because I am no longer

His reason for happiness.

Dear God

Please

Grant him Love

Let him Love

And be Loved again

Even if he cannot

Love me again.

Dear God

Please

Grant him Peace

The peace he so desperately craved

But did not find

With me.”

I say this prayer

With all my heart

Every night

Before I sleep.

And I wonder ...

Can he hear me?

Does he know

That I miss him

More than he will ever know?

Does he know

That I love him

That each beat of my heart

Still echoes his name?

Does he know

That every second I am away from his side

Is like a lifetime

Lived over and over again

And I loved him

Though he asked me to leave

And I let him go

Though I lost a piece of me

And I left him

Though I didn't want to

If you want to come back for me                        If you come back for me

Don’t.                                                                       Welcome.

You were mine                                                       You were mine

And I was yours                                                     And I am yours

No more.                                                                 Always.

But a part of me will love you                             If you do not

In the deepest recess of my heart                      Farewell my dearest one

Where the light doesn't go                                  Remember

A part of me will love you                                   I will love you

Always                                                                    Always

And for ever more.                                              No matter what.

29/10/2010 and 02/04/2015