Bits and Pieces II

People aren't born sad; 
we make them that way.

I was
damaged and broken and unhinged.
I fell for a storm. 
And
I didn't really think I would get out unscathed.

I felt the fear
and I did it anyway.
But 
You cannot turn people into homes.
They leave 
with everything you put inside them.

The ax forgets; but the tree remembers.
I learnt that the hard way.

So I will
Let it Hurt.
Let it Bleed.
Let it Heal.
And Let it Go.

Because now
I'm just not surprised 
when people leave.
I'm actually more surprised 
when they stay.

30/11/2015

*This poem was composed out of bits and pieces of sayings and quotes I found on the internet. I have twisted them a bit for my own purposes. 

My thanks to Nikita Gill, Word Porn, and Pintrest for the words.

The Weird Girl and What’s His Name

They met because of a man

who wrote strange stories

and died

of the forgetting disease.

Lamb made them friends

Kvothe a little closer

and the wizard brought them closer still.

Alcohol was glue.

They talked, and laughed, and ate different things.

She was weird

with her bookish tattoos and strange candyfloss mane.

and no one remembered his name

when he was in the band with the singer everyone loved.

Two parallel lines; in a world of shapes.

Always moving

Forward.

Always moving

Never Meeting.

No plans,

No promises,

Just living just a little more than usual.

All because

He didn’t think she was weird

and she knew his name.

14/09/15

*The title was inspired by the title of a book by Meagan Brothers. 

If Your Past Comes Knocking ...

If your past comes knocking

Will you open the door?

No.

Now go away.

Stop bothering me

With 

The could have beens                  How happy I could have been.

The might have beens                 Who my children might have been.

And                                                 And

The should have beens               How my life should have been.

The past is over.                           Those dreams are dead.

The door is closed.                       I threw away the key.

But would you open it?

If your past came knocking?

No.

I said it once,

I’ll say it again.

Now

Go. Away.

02/04/2015

Punchi*

Thank you
for just being YOU
Fierce, Free, Independent
You and Only You
could Live, and Love, and Laugh
the way you did
before.
Only You, and You alone
could be the person You were
Aunt, Friend, Confidant.
Your Life, Strength, Spirit
sparking, shining, shimmering
like a thousand fireflies
in the vast open fields of our lives.
Touching so many
and leaving your mark
engraved
in our hearts.
You, who are so unique
yet so familiar.
You, who left
but are (still) right here.
You
who Lived, Laughed and Understood
that life
must be lived to the fullest
one day at a time.
So I take heart and I take courage
and I learnt that I must not cry.
for I know
You are with Me still
and that makes Me able
to Live, Love and  Laugh
like You did.

For my Punchi. With all my love.

*The Sinhalese word for your mother's younger sister is 'punchi amma' which literally translates to 'little mother'. The word is usually shortened to 'punchi' for everyday usage. It's been 10 years punchi. And I miss you.

Happy Birthday Blue Lobster

Every night

Before I sleep

I say a prayer

Silently.

“Dear God

Please

Keep him Safe

Because I am not there

To protect him.

Dear God

Please

Keep him Strong

Because I can no longer

Stand beside him.

Dear God

Please

Make him Happy

Because I am no longer

His reason for happiness.

Dear God

Please

Grant him Love

Let him Love

And be Loved again

Even if he cannot

Love me again.

Dear God

Please

Grant him Peace

The peace he so desperately craved

But did not find

With me.”

I say this prayer

With all my heart

Every night

Before I sleep.

And I wonder ...

Can he hear me?

Does he know

That I miss him

More than he will ever know?

Does he know

That I love him

That each beat of my heart

Still echoes his name?

Does he know

That every second I am away from his side

Is like a lifetime

Lived over and over again

And I loved him

Though he asked me to leave

And I let him go

Though I lost a piece of me

And I left him

Though I didn't want to

If you want to come back for me                        If you come back for me

Don’t.                                                                       Welcome.

You were mine                                                       You were mine

And I was yours                                                     And I am yours

No more.                                                                 Always.

But a part of me will love you                             If you do not

In the deepest recess of my heart                      Farewell my dearest one

Where the light doesn't go                                  Remember

A part of me will love you                                   I will love you

Always                                                                    Always

And for ever more.                                              No matter what.

29/10/2010 and 02/04/2015

Avi And Her Dragon

Once upon a time in February, a little bit longer than a short time ago, a beautiful little girl named Avi was born. She was small and pink and very, very cute, and her mommy DD loved her with all of her brain, her mind, her body and her heart. But the world was very big, and Avi was very small. So her mommy wondered,

"How, oh how, will I keep my little Avi safe in this big scary world? Who will watch over her when she sleeps?"

Avi's mommy was kind and beautiful, clever and brave and loved Avi more than anything else in the whole wide world. So she thought and thought, until her thinker was sore, and then she rocked Avi and thought some more. After all that thinking, suddenly she had a wonderful idea! 

"I know!" she whispered, holding Avi close,

"I will tell my good friend auntie Sassy that my Avi has been born! I will tell her that the world is very big, and Avi is very small. Auntie Sassy is clever, almost as clever as me. She will help me protect my Avi.”

Now mommy’s friend auntie Sassy was round and happy. She had twinkling eyes and mad curly hair that changed colour from time to time. Maybe she was just a little bit magic. She was also pretty smart because she had read lots of books. She read about cabbages, she read about kings and she also read about everything that was in between. Avi’s mommy was sure auntie Sassy could help her.

So Avi’s mommy called her good friend auntie Sassy and told her the good news.

“My Avi is born! I’m so happy I could sing!! But the world is very big, and Avi is very small. Can you help me protect my little girl?? Can you find someone to watch over her while she sleeps??”

“Hooray!” said auntie Sassy. “Avi is born!”

“Of course I will help you! I know just the thing!”

After Avi’s mommy hung up the phone, auntie Sassy put on her thinking hat. Auntie Sassy’s thinking hat was big and pink and floppy, and covered most of her face. But she was determined to find Avi a best friend. The very best of the best of the best. So she thought, and she thought and finally she said,

“Avi’s best friend is not in my head. I must read a book to find him!”

So she picked up her books and she read and read. She read in the morning, she read at night, she read during lunch, she read before bed time and even after turning off the lights. And she searched and she searched for the best of the best friend for Avi, the love of her mommy’s life.

“A Griffin? No! Too grumpy!”

“A Unicorn? No! Too pointy!”

“Maybe a Lion? No, no! Too scary!”

“A fish is too wet, a snake is too slippery and a monkey? A monkey is much too naughty!”

So she read, and she searched until one day, finally, she found the best of the best of the best.

“Wait!” said auntie Sassy, “Wait just a minute!”.

“What if …No! It will never work! But why not? Let me look at my book!”

“YES!” She yelled! “I have it!!!” She danced.

“I have finally found Avi a friend! The best of the best of the very best!” She sang.

She was so happy she scared Sweet Pea the dog, who jumped up and joined the fun and sang in time with auntie Sassy!

“Woof! Woof! We did it! Woof! Woof! I’m so happy!!”

“See Sweet Pea!” said auntie Sassy.

“I have found Avi the perfect best friend. He is the best of the best of the very, very best. Avi’s best friend will be a Dragon. Because Dragons are wonderful, Dragons are clever. Dragons are beautiful, strong, loyal and brave. And the very best thing of all? The thing that makes Dragons the best of the best of the very, very best? Dragons are magic. And their magic can keep anybody safe! Nothing in the big world could hurt Avi with her big, strong dragon friend to keep her safe!”

So auntie Sassy went on a quest to find Avi her Dragon. She fought the loud and nasty flat band monster who howled and wailed until she smacked it for being naughty. Then she walked to the country of Outside the Gate, where she found a great TUK TUK and asked it to take her to the far away land of Odal where she knew Dragons lived. The great TUK TUK carried her past the road of Base Line and the horrible junction of Bo-Rella where the wicked traffic beast lived. Auntie Sassy yelled,

“SHOO SHOO SHOO!!!”

and waved her arms around and chased away the wicked traffic beast and finally reached the land of Odal.

She thanked the great TUK TUK and went into the land of Odal where she walked and she walked and then walked some more. She walked past the valley of toy Nico dogs, the valley of jewels, the French hotel and the house of tea and fish. She dodged a pop tart and ran away from a gummy worm. Then she climbed the mountain of Wood St. Aircase and on the very top of the mountain she found Avi’s dragon.

“Welcome auntie Sassy.” said the Dragon.

“I have been waiting for you.”

The Dragon knew why auntie Sassy had come to see him. He was very clever and magic after all.

“Dear Dragon,” asked auntie Sassy,

“Will you be Avi’s bestest best friend in the whole wide world? You see, Avi is very small and the world is very big. You are very big, and for you, the world is very small. Will you help Avi's mommy protect her and keep her safe? Will you watch over her while she sleeps?”

“Yes!” Said the Dragon,

“I will be Avi’s bestest best friend. I will guard her and protect her. Nothing will hurt her when she is with me.”

Auntie Sassy clapped her hands and sang “Hooray!”

“Come with me Dragon” she said. “I will take you to your new bestest best friend.”

“Wait.” Said the Dragon,

“I am much too big to see Avi like this. The great TUK TUK cannot carry me. And Avi will be afraid of my long claws and sharp teeth.”

So the Dragon used his magic and grew smaller and smaller. First he was the size of a house.

“Too big!” he said.

Then he became the size of a mouse!

“Too small!” he said.

Finally he became smaller than a house but bigger than a mouse.

“Just right!” He said with a smile.

"Now, my skin is too rough, my body is too hard. Little Avi will not like that and I will not be able to make her laugh."

So first he became soft, and then he became squishy. Finally he became cuddly so Avi could hug him while she slept.

“I am ready.” Said the Dragon. “Take me to my new bestest best friend.”

Auntie Sassy smiled and picked up the Dragon carefully. She took him to the land of the Nine Wells, where Avi and her mommy were waiting.

Avi’s mommy was very happy to see auntie Sassy and hugged her and whispered because Avi was asleep, tired after her long journey to the real world.

“Thank you Sassy. I knew you would find someone to protect my Avi and watch over her while she sleeps.”

Auntie Sassy smiled and said to Avi’s mommy,

“This is Dragon. He will be Avi’s bestest best friend for ever and for always. He will guard her and protect her and always keep her safe. And never ever let anything bad happen to her.” 

Avi’s mommy picked up Dragon and gave him a soft kiss on his head. She gave him a little bit of her mommy magic so he would also always love Avi as much as she did.

Then she carefully put Dragon in the cot right next to Avi,  so that he could watch over her while she slept. And that is where he has been ever since.

                                                        The End.

How to Kill A Cockroach If You Don't Have a Man To Do It For You.

I found a saying on the internet a while ago which pointed out that we are all brave until we find out that the cockroach has wings. Now, I'm not afraid of cockroaches per say, but that's only as long as they are scuttling around peacefully on the floor and not launching themselves directly at my face like some sort of horrible, alien SCUD missile! When they do that I run for cover screaming like a little girl. (I am a girl. Admittedly not little, but definitely a girl!)

Due to the fact that I am perpetually single and my brothers have both moved out of the house I often find myself wondering how to deal with, i.e KILL these flying menaces. I understand that when a woman usually runs into one of these horrifying 1 inch terror/death machines,  her first instinct is to scream loudly for aid, which is then usually provided in the form of a handy male, who wades in bravely and either kills or otherwise disposes of the ghastly beast. But what do you do if you are, like me, single and brotherless? Here are some handy tips.

1. Start Reading

I like big books and I cannot lie. Books are awesome. Not only do they relieve boredom, they also make excellent cockroach squashing machines. Now, if you're like me and can't bear to have bright yellow cockroach goo on your favorite books, I suggest you invest in a) dictionaries (The big ones mind you, of the Oxford, Macmillan or Cambridge variety. Not the titchy pocket varieties.) b) encyclopedias or if you are broke c) phone books. You can throw them at cockroaches, drop them on them from the great heights of the relative safety of a table or sneak up on them and hit them really hard. With cockroaches, I find the old saying, the bigger the better, holds true. "Girl! What big books you have!" "All the better to SQUASH you with my dear!"

2. Shoes

Buy shoes. As many as you can. In a variety of shapes, sizes, colors, styles and brands. That way, you can keep notes on which type/ brand of shoes is the most effective cockroach killer. You can conduct extensive research! And if you have to buy more than 1 pair of shoes a month, you can console yourself because it is for SCIENCE. If Archimedes could run screaming down the street starkers for science, then you can buy that gorgeous pair of bright pink sneakers you've been eyeing for weeks. This is a no brainer. Duh! Just like with Cinderella, a great pair of shoes can change your life! And better yet, kill a cockroach!

3. Bug repellent/ perfume / hairspray

I find that pretty much anything that comes in an aerosol spray can, can be quite effective against cockroaches. Naturally not everything will kill them. If your motive is revenge, you could  spray a cockroach with bug repellent. Then it will probably repel all other bugs and it will become a social pariah and have no friends and is likely to kill itself due to utter desperation and loneliness. Hairspray won't kill them either. But it will give them fabulous hair. And very honestly, a cockroach with flowing Fabio hair would look rather ridiculous and you can laugh at it until it hides itself in mortification. Finally, you know that nasty old lady perfume that you got ten years ago that's been lurking in your closet because you've been too afraid to throw it out?? Spray the blighter with it. YOU didn't want to smell like your grandma's bedroom, chances are, neither will the cockroach. So it will rush off to shower and when it comes back you can be ready for plan B.

4. Get a dog. Cat's don't give a shit about you and are probably in league with the cockroaches anyway. 

Whoever said diamonds are a girl's best friend sure as hell never had a dog. Dogs are wonderful creatures. They hunt and kill pretty much anything at your command. Cockroaches, geckos, spiders, you name it, they will kill it for you. If they can't kill it they will helpfully point out where the nasty thing is hiding so it won't be able to leap out and surprise you and/or corner you in the shower. Cockroaches always choose horribly inconvenient times to ambush you. They especially like it when you're in the shower, naked and covered in soap and close your eyes for a second to wash off the shampoo in your hair. They love leaping on you just when you're most vulnerable and running on you with their hairy legs! Your dog will be your guardian and protector against all this horror and if all else fails will bark loudly and alert the nearest man to your predicament, and then HE can rush to your aid.

5. Scream

A properly executed scream is a powerful tool. It has to be high enough to crack glass, shrill enough to pierce ear drums through several layers of brick and cement, i.e walls, and long drawn and pathetic enough to instantly compel any man in the vicinity to come running to your aid, if only to stop you from making that infernal racket. Cockroaches hate loud noises and even though they are boastful to men, and keep telling them 'I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can' they don't actually LIKE said scream. They will rush back into the hole from whence they came and stay there until you stop. Don't stop. For the love of everything that is safe and cockroach free, don't stop. Someone will find you. Then point out where the cockroach went (whilst still screaming to distract the beast) and the kind rescuer will flush it out and kill it. Once you are SURE it is dead, then you can stop screaming. Maybe.

6. Burn down your house

If you have tried everything in the list and nothing has worked you have one final resort. If you have squashed as many of the bastards as you can and your books and shoes are gore splattered, you've run out of everything except your favorite perfume and your dog has cockroach induced indigestion and you've screamed yourself hoarse and they still keep coming and multiplying (good LORD like the heads of the frkkin hydra, you kill one and two take its place) then there is only one thing you can do. Remove all precious items, yourself and your dog, and strike a match and set your house on fire. Fire is the great purifier and  will finally and permanently KILL the cockroach and all its extended family. You can also take this chance to live out your dream of walking calmly away from a fire whilst silhouetted in the flames. As an added bonus, firemen will come to put out the fire and you can get them to check if the cockroaches are (FINALLY) dead.

So, it's not just men who can kill cockroaches. Any woman can be a cockroach killer if they try hard and believe in themselves. And who knows, maybe one day you can use one of these tips to rescue a MAN from a cockroach. Who's the knight in shiny armor then?

Bits and Pieces

"I don't believe in magic", 
the young girl said. 

The old woman smiled. 
"You will when you see him".

He was the best hell I have ever been in;
I didn't mind burning at all.
He whispered paintings into my ears 
I lived in a gallery of seduction.

I saw galaxies in his eyes, 
I found him in storms, 
I felt him in lightning 
and I missed him when it rained.

Long live the magic we made...

But sometimes 
you just have to write 
your own damn fairy tale.

*Note: This poem is composed of bits and pieces of words, sayings and notes that I found on the internet.

Gray's Anatomy

You didn't love Me.

You thought You did

Maybe You were lonely

Your life was going nowhere

and You needed someone to care

I was around

convenient

happy to be there

You didn't love Me

I was a warm body

next to You at night

a buffer

between You and the nightmares

Maybe I was good for Your ego

I told You that You matter

I told you that You are Good. Kind. Important.

NOT a waste of space

I made You feel alive

I was fun to talk to

laugh with

be with

but You didn't love Me

You never did

Because you don’t destroy the people you love.

Dream

Man in my dreams

Lost part of my heart

I see you

Tall and Strong

You lifted Me high off the ground

Your lips

Locked on Mine

Never to let go

Part of an air starved dream

I burn for you

Man of my mind

Man of my soul

I see you

But I don’t see your face

Never have I felt a Love so Strong

Or wanted something so much

You are Candle

I am Paper

And Together

We BURN

And the bliss unmakes mere ecstasy

Infinite times over

As we shatter

Into. a. million. little. pieces.

Dance With Me

Dance with me

Hold me close

as we float-dance

Around and around and around and around

the floor

One, two, three, four

My eyes never leave Yours

One, two, three, four

Your hand in Mine

Mine in Yours

Our feet move as one

Which is funny

Because I can’t dance...

Then You Stop.

And the music Stops 
with You.

You look down and smile

Eyes alive

Your mouth touches mine for a moment

Cut. Short.

And suddenly We lie

My head on Your chest

Your legs tangled in Mine

In peace so utter so complete

Life. Stands. Still.

‘Don’t leave me’ You whisper,

I reply, ‘I won’t’.

And I am snatched away from your arms in a cold cloud of noise.

Birthday Present Poem

Old soul
New body
Donut eating
Lasagna making
Agony auntie
Bear
Of the mad friends
Late night calls
Good profile picture
Taking
Lover of whiskey, cats, comics, Lego
And me?
Happy birthday
The bunny didn't say it
So I will
Over the top
Hooray
Late poem
Better better better
Better late than never
Panda bear hug.