Editing

It’s been a while since I last wrote anything. That’s probably because I now spend my days correcting what other people have written as opposed to writing things myself. As someone who likes to write and hates having my work messed with, I sometimes wonder how people can allow me to do my job and not try to push me out of a window of the 36th floor, or down the elevator shaft, or strangle me with the hoser eel (it's hose reel but all the letters run together on the sign so I always read it Hoser Eel). I imagine a hoser eel would be this large rubbery looking eel that spits high pressured water at potential predators, or just at people it doesn't like. It would be fun if such a creature did exist. All the villagers would run screaming, "The hoser eel! The hoser eel! Beware of the hoser eel!!!” But back to why no one has tried to kill me for messing with their work yet, perhaps it’s all the cameras. Maybe I’m cuddly. I’m not entirely sure really. All I know is that I wouldn't like some insufferable know-it-all (I learnt that hyphens are important, and that commas though also important, must not be used much) messing around with my masterpiece.

It’s a funny thing, is editing. I never knew how important a simple colon or an N dash can be. Gone are the days when I could wonder into where ever I worked or studied all blurry and sleepy from being on the internet for too long or hung over from a night of excesses. Students don't mind it if their teacher is sleepy first thing in the morning. They are sleepy too. So the sleepier the teacher the better, they can get away with murder and not get noticed or yelled at. This is not to say that I slept through classes, but I have on occasion been known to use some pretty strange examples when teaching. Blame the alcohol, or the internet, or the lack of sleep, or my own strange coconut, whatever floats your boat. No one can say I wasn't entertaining. And that's a hard thing to be at 8 am on a Monday morning.

But not now. Not anymore. No. now I have to concentrate or God forbid I might miss a semi colon and cause the end of the world as we all know it. Financially speaking anyway. I might miss that the logic in a sentence is all wrong and get someone fired. (Ok. not fired, but yelled at. or worse, emailed at.) So I have to get my eight hours or else. I find myself turning down free drinks in the name of clear headedness the next day. And staying home on weekends, so I can be all clear eyed and bushy tailed, and ready to edit like an editor on Monday. The worst thing is I decide this on FRIDAY. I now rank work above partying. Oh how the mighty have fallen!

Ok. It’s not that bad. I’m a drama queen. It’s one of my many appealing qualities. I actually really like my job, but I feel I must moan a bit about it to show willing. When everything's been said and done, where else would I get to tell people that they have done something ALL WRONG and boss them around and make them change their masterpieces and get paid for being an insufferable smug woman? It’s brilliant I tell you. Brilliant! I do things with Microsoft word that normal people could never ever dream of doing in a million, billion, trillion years. It is my dog of a female persuasion that occasionally pees on the rug and looks remorseful! PowerPoint and Excel shudder in my editorial wake! Analysts are pushed to the point of screaming for I am a Queen of the word!!!!  I have landed the job of a lifetime! It rocks and rules and hyphenates! Now if I can only figure out where to put that bloody comma, my life would be perfect!