I always think
That other people
Think the worst of me.
When I call
And they don't reply
They hate me.
If a message is a little bit late
They never want to speak to me again.
Was their tone different today?
We're they a bit sharper than usual?
Maybe they are tired of me.
I am no longer welcome in their life
Or in their headspace.
We are not friends anymore.
If they leave I don't care.
(I do, I really really do: so very very much)
Why would they talk to me anyway?
I'm not a nice person.
I must have said something wrong.
I must have offended them in some way.
Done something bad.
Hurt them.
Made them mad.
I never know when to stop.
When to hold back.
When to step away.
When to give space.
I'm too open, too raw, too broken.
I pour out my heart and soul
In a self-righteous barrage of verbal vomit.
I say too much too soon.
No brain mouth filter.
I am too Loud.
I am too Intense.
I am too Lost.
I am too Clingy.
I am Too Much.
I am just too ME.
Why would anyone stay?
05/06/2021
