Over-Thinker

I always think

That other people 

Think the worst of me.

When I call 

And they don't reply

They hate me.

If a message is a little bit late 

They never want to speak to me again. 

Was their tone different today?

We're they a bit sharper than usual? 

Maybe they are tired of me. 

I am no longer welcome in their life 

Or in their headspace.

We are not friends anymore. 

If they leave I don't care. 

(I do, I really really do: so very very much)

Why would they talk to me anyway?

I'm not a nice person. 

I must have said something wrong. 

I must have offended them in some way. 

Done something bad. 

Hurt them.

Made them mad.

I never know when to stop. 

When to hold back. 

When to step away. 

When to give space.  

I'm too open, too raw, too broken. 

I pour out my heart and soul

In a self-righteous barrage of verbal vomit.

I say too much too soon. 

No brain mouth filter. 

I am too Loud. 

I am too Intense.  

I am too Lost.

I am too Clingy.

I am Too Much. 

I am just too ME. 

Why would anyone stay? 

05/06/2021

When You Smile

You smile with

Everything you were.

Everything that you are.

Everything you will be. 

Because, when you Smile

The whole world lights up

and shares the joy

shining out of your brown eyes. 

07/05/2021

*For Yosh

The Fault in My Stars

My biggest problem is

That I always believe 

That other people 

Care for me 

As much as I care for them. 

09/05/2021 

Forgive and Forget

How do you forgive yourself

for all the things that you have done?

For all the times

you broke your own heart

by holding on even though it hurt

even though you should have run?

How do you stop the pain

that you inflict on yourself?

Your mind going round and around 

chasing its own tail...

Whispering to you that you are not enough.

That you are twisted. 

And broken.

And alone.

And unloved.

That everything that you do 

is wrong. 

Is there forgiveness inside you

For yourself?

Can you forget 

All the slights, and all the hurt and all the pain?

Can

You 

Really 

Fix 

Yourself? 

 

20/03/2021